Too Trusting
by FyreBrande
Summary: One-shot of fem!Amell's thoughts if you pick to send Jowan into the Fade at Redcliffe. Review and Sten'll give you a cookie!


The characters used here don't belong to me, badly as I wish they did... But I'm borrowing them to satisfy an overwhelming sense of...curiosity, I guess. *Edit* I noticed some errors and things that didn't get saved the way I wanted, so I'm updating.

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_"I've made so many mistakes...I wish I could go back and fix it."_

_"He's __**your**__ friend."_

_"He wishes to redeem himself...doesn't everyone deserve that chance?"_

_"This is his chance to redeem himself."_

_"You trust too much and too quickly, child."_

All the voices crashing around in the young mage's brain culminate in a throbbing echo of Irving's sternly disapproving remonstrance. She swallows hard and raises her eyes from her nervously clenched hands to Jowan's body, watching as her friend occasionally twitches, lips moving soundlessly as he makes his way through the Fade and attempts to reason with the demon enslaving Connor, tries to undo the horrific wrong he helped cause.

Alright, alright. Caused. But Isolde's partly to blame, as well.

Maybe she _is_ too trusting. He had lied to her before, after all. _Used_ her. It felt like he betrayed her. Why is she so willing to trust him again? And at the cost of disapproving looks from Irving, Teagan, and even--_Oh, __**Maker**__--_Alistair. _You owe me big time, Jowan_. But she knows why, even if she says nothing when everyone she wants to please looks at her as if she is beyond insane. As if she hit her head one too many times fighting that sodding Revenant. Jowan was her best--only, really--friend at the Tower; she knows him better than anyone else. And she saw honest-to-goodness regret in his pale blue eyes down in the dungeon. She may be the only one who believes him when he says he wants to try to make things right, but, Maker help her, she doesn't care._ Don't you let me down, _she begs silently. She knows the danger of turning a blood mage loose in the Fade, and to face a desire demon, of all things. But he _promised_ not to let her down. She does wish he would hurry, though. The longer he takes, the deeper Irving scowls at her. Ten minutes. Twenty. _Maker, for Andraste's sake make him __**hurry**__! _she pleads silently. If the Maker will even listen to the prayers of a mage.

She looks up from her cross-legged position on the floor to watch Alistair and Zevran pace opposing paths at the far end of the hall, while Teagan stands in the middle of the room, arms crossed, his expression stern, and Isolde glares at her, as if she wishes the younger woman had never shown her face. Idly the mage wonders if it is her willingness to trust Jowan, how quickly she called Isolde out for her part in this whole situation, or the fact she has Alistair tagging along behind her that earned her the arlessa's ire.

"Are you sure you can trust him?" Alistair has stopped pacing, come over to where she sits.

She nods. "Yes. He was my best friend in the Circle. _After _I accidently singed him--pretty badly, too--the first time I tried casting a fire spell." She giggles at the memory. "No one knows him the way I do. I know when he's telling the truth. He really is sorry."

"If you know him so well, why didn't you figure out he was a blood mage?"

She sighs. "Looking back, I can't believe I didn't. He didn't meet my eyes when he denied it, which he usually will do for a yes or no question, but I wrote it off to him being so upset about being made Tranquil, and worrying that the Templars would find us. The last time he lied to me was when we were teenagers. Niall hid my book of fire spells, and Jowan knew where, but told me he didn't. I _knew_ he was lying because he wouldn't look at me, but I had to threaten to singe off his eyebrows again to get him to tell me."

This at least earns her a smile, instead of a disapproving frown. "You make it sound like he was your _only_ friend."

"He was, unless you count that blond mage who was constantly escaping and getting caught again. He would hang around with us when he was actually at the tower. For the life of me I can't remember his name." She smiles up at her fellow Grey Warden. "He looked kind of like you, though."

Alistair is denied the chance to comment on that as Jowan suddenly gasps, body arching as if electrocuted, eyes snapping open as his spirit slams backs into his body. The feeling of dread clenching the pit of her stomach with claws made of dragonbone dissipates when he sits up, smiles dazedly at her, and says the most welcome three words she's heard in her life thus far: "I did it." He kept his promise.

She still has to convince Teagan and then Eamon not to execute him, but it won't be quite the uphill battle it would have been had she caved in to Morrigan's glower and sent the Witch, or gone herself. She gives him a friendly--and_** very**_ relieved--hug, before accepting Alistair's hand up and turning to offer Jowan one as well.

There will be moments doubts try to whisper to her mind. When she finds the lyrium-deprived Templar in Howe's dungeon, raving about tracking and fighting a blood mage who had no phylactery and _**knows**_he means Jowan. When she fights Caladrius and sees_**, **_really_** sees**_, the horror of blood magic first-hand. But she never regrets trusting her friend. He made so many mistakes, but--she believes--was truly repentant, and when given a chance to do something right, didn't let even a desire demon talk him out of it. She doesn't know what will become of him, but she knows his demons won't taunt him quite so much. He redeemed himself. In her eyes, if no one else's.

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_A/N: I got the inspiration for this after playing through Redcliffe with my mage, and seeing an absolutely amazing fanart of Jowan on deviantArt. (__.com/art/Maleficarum-Regrets-149265053) I think Jowan has one of the saddest stories for an origin character, right behind poor Tamlen(who will probably be next if this turns into a one-shot series...). I mean, he kind of totally ruins his life, loses the woman he loves, gets played by Loghain, ends up tossed in a dungeon and tortured, and even if you played a mage and you're willing to trust him again(Am I alone in totally and instantly forgiving him? Am I just a big softie?), the best you can do for him is have him sent back to the Tower, where I would bet the Robes of Possession and Starfang Gregoir will just want to execute him anyway. Poor Jowan. :'( Part of me wishes you could conscript him into the Wardens or something (Like somebody suggests for another one of those totally messed up people later in the game (*cough* Loghain *cough*). You can do that to "save" Anders from the Templar lady in the expansion! I'm just sayin'....)._


End file.
